thee climb

today has been a very trying day. thee only thyng that helps me get thru these types of days is music. ii have a song for everythyng:: every event good&bad. ii always know exactly what song ii would play at a specific moment throughout my day...

ever since thee hannah montana movie came out & ii saw it [uhhh on my comp in my apt one day lol] ive been IN LOVE with this song... lyke ii never really lyked any of miley cyrus' music but ii lyked thee tv show. then ii heard this song & cudn't stop listening to it or singing it. here are her version in a clip from thee movie & the best cover that ii thynk is out there. enjoy!

intrigued? keep reading -->

in love with thee element of freedom

so ii have officially fallen for this new a.keys album! ii love thee songs, ii love thee style, ii love how every song sounds lyke an alicia keys type song yet with a new evolved version of her. ii can listen to this straight thru [thee song with beyonce still has to grow on me tho lol].  but ii absolutely love it! & ii am always excited when albums come out that ii can say this about bcuz that occurrence has become very rare nowadays with all thee dumb & ignorant music being put out.  Anywho... if you haven't already, you should definitely cop this album; ii don't thynk you will be disappointed. a rilly chill cd

1. The Element Of Freedom
2. Love Is Blind

3. Doesn’t Mean Anything

4. Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

5. Wait Til They See My Smile

6. That’s How Strong My Love Is

7. Unthinkable

8. Love Is My Disease

9. Like The Sea

10. Put It In A Love Song ft. Beyonce

11. This Bed

12. Distance And Time

13. How It Feels To Fly

14. Empire State Of Mind Pt.2

get yur own here :- ]

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

why imeem why?!?

juss had to express my frustration with imeem connecting with myspace!

now ii can't even use imeem anymore cuz iim so anti-myspace UGH!

it juss changed my whole posting music thyng 

& messed up my previous post a few entries down

so disappointing!

très frustré...
_kii_

"you know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet? well ii don't"

a tribute to all tha baccstabbin bytchez

lol ii was going thru my old notes on facebook & saw this & juss had to repost it... frum feb.17.2007

[inspired by all tha notes iive seen tributing all the “sad women”… no offense to those thaa posted them tho!! Cuz ii do luv yall :-D... but ii kno so many of yall feel meeh on these femmes too]

ii feel tha need to explain mah self b4 ii get into tha actual tribute. okay so sum of this comes bcuz ii look @ relationships different than a lotta femalez… iim not on thaa “this ni99a broke mah heart” type shyt or thaa “iima be a ni99a’z bess friend until he figures out thaa we shud be 2getha” type shyt either. ii have about three types of categories thaa ii put ni99az into… 

[1] tha boyfriend/potentials: this is either my boyfriend at the tyme or consists of tha different ni99az thaa iim “talkin to” or hmmmz ii guess othas wud say dating. these guyz r juss simply thaa… they cannot be moved into anutha category!! they will neva turn into one of mah straight up boiz as it is way too complicated to do so once thaa chemistry & past is there.

[2] mah booz: this is a funny one fa meeh. these r tha ni99az thaa cud be a potential but wud neva be bcuz its juss simply sumthin lyke a crush or sumone thaa ii flirt with occasionally. these dudes r also close to bein one of mah boiz cuz we do kicc it a lot but there may still be sum flirtin there ya feel? howeva, it is impossible fa them to be a boyfriend of any kynd & when ii do have a boyfriend or if they have a gyrl, these dudes r not around.

[3] mah boiz: this category consists of tha most pple. this is mah fam bam. these r tha dudes iim wit on a regular/daily basis who watch mah bacc & kno thaa ii got theirs. these r tha pple ii tell erythyng to & thaa tell erythyng to meeh. these r tha advice guyz. these are mah heart, mah luvs, and bess friends. they can neva be any otha category & will neva be placed into anutha bcuz ii keep a far distance frum tha numba 1 category. which is tha reason ii believe a male & female can juss be FRIENDS!!

ii thynk thaa if a lotta femalez wud keep a distance between those categories then ii wudnt have to put up wit sum of tha bytchez iive put up wit durin mah day… [& btw this is only referrin to those good ni99az]... welp here it is . . .

intrigued? keep reading -->

phenomenally

one of my favorite poems EVER is Maya Angelou's phenomenal woman! it has been a fav since as far back as ii can remember & ii thynk it fits me very well... ii was reciting it in my head a lil earlier & was lyke "oooooh lemme put this on my blog later." although ii completely forgot to do so, ii was totally just remynded with this RANDOM call from my ex-boyfriend.

ii mean this guy is a wonderful person and ii have no negative feelings toward him; however, you know some pple just aren't meant for each other. And, despite how much maybe ii wanted to be that gyrl for him as well as he for me, it just didn't work out as a we :-/... iim not sad about it or anything. ii juss know thyngs come&go so it's all good. but the conversation [more lyke his monologue with my mini responses] was interesting... it was along thee lines of him wanting me to thynk back to when ii lyked him and trying to discover those feelings again bcuz he still lyked me&all ya kno. sheeesh we've been broken up for prolly over 2 yrs by now ii guezz or maybe just under 2 yrs; iim not completely sure. a while ago ii would have entertained this & bcuz ii do feel lyke he is such a good person ii kynda had a lil thought. tiny thought. miniscule. lol but ii mean some thyngs just are destined to work out. his view towards me in which he was sure to express remynded me of my desire to post this poem...

intrigued? keep reading -->

this tyme ii want it all

rilly feeling this song right now.

kynda definitely feeling thee lyrics especially...

cuz, lately, ii thynk that this tyme ii want it all

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

flaws&all

if you know me, you know that ii absolutely love&admire Beyonce! lol ever since no no no ii have and it just hasn't gone away... one of my favorite songs by her has to be Flaws&All. &the video for it is definitely my fav video by any artist hands down. bcuz it's just so real & shows her being flawed & loving her man bcuz he loves her & accepts her as she is... iive always been a pessimist regarding love, but if ii cud fynd one such as this, ii wudn't trade it for anythyng in thee world





then this live performance of her singing it on Ellen was soooo beautiful...

intrigued? keep reading -->

gotta juss keep it to myself

ii don't keep thyngs to myself. ii don't keep anythyng bottled in. I'm a depressant so when ii do those thyngs it affects me more than the average person. so ii express myself. ii will tell you exactly how iim feeling in that moment & ii will tell it to thee person it pertains to.

but this...

this ii can't disclose as ii wud lyke to. ii mean ii can say it here cuz who reads my blog anyway? no one lol. but to the pple ii wud normally talk to about thyngs or even juss in a fbook status, ii cannot express myself completely.

my problem is that ii rilly hate it in Riverside! lyke with a passion. today being a prime example of why. & there's nothing ii can do about it. pple here seem so insincere; thee blacc community is not welcoming at all & appear very judgmental; there's nuthin to do; & ii dunno iim juss hella lonely.

intrigued? keep reading -->

God is tryna tell you something

More than anything God love admiration.

You say God is vain?

No, not vain, just willing to share a good thing! I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it!

Are you saying, it just want to be loved like it say in the Bible?

Yes, everything want to be loved. Us sing and dance. And holler...

just tryna be loved.

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

ii miss you def poetry!

ii remember thee good ole days... when thee whole family would just gather around thee TV & die laughing at def comedy jam & couldn't get enuf of thee wisdom from def poetry! thee best mixture of words were presented on that stage & ii definitely need to get thee seasons on dvd or something...

"ii want a love that's as unexplainable as he is"

"so ii guezz thee only decision left for you to choose is whether the fabric n yur casket shud be red OR blue...

intrigued? keep reading -->

with men... don't be swayed by cute

a quote frum Michelle Obama's interview in Glamour... ii thought this was so real & oh so true! & many females should really take her advice!


“Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, WHO ARE YOU AS A PERSON? Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul…When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good…You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.”

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

maxwell made my year lol

s0o0o0o ii got thee best birthday gyft ever this year!! my babe/weakness/[him] took me to thee maxwell concert :-]... ii had told everyone that ii wanted tix & every time [he] would get into my car, ii would make sure Maxwell was playing on my radio lol. Welp my birthday was on September 8th & [he] took me out that nite...but then ii still knew nothing about thee concert which was gonna be on October 16th... then one day when ii was trippin out and talking about how tired ii was of goin home to LA...

me:: iim not goin bacc for a long tyme. those pple r gettin on my nerves. only goin juss to see my nephew

[him]:: & maxwell right?

me:: nah ii didn't buy any of those expensive azz tix

[him]:: oh... well what are you doing on thee 16th?

me:: nuthin.

[him]:: do you wanna go see maxwell with me?!?

me:: DUH!! YOU GOT THEE TIX?!? fa real?

[him]:: yeah. your birthday present of course.

me:: :-D!!!!!!!!!!!

ii go to concerts all thee tyme, but I've actually never gone on a date to one. & it was a great nite! ii luv'd it so much! & [he] sayd ii was smiling so much that he shuda took a pic lol

intrigued? keep reading -->

::sumthin to talk about::

"communication... it's thee first thyng we rilly learn in lyfe. funny thyng is: once we grow up, learn our words, & rilly start talkin, thee harder it becomes to know what to say. Or, how to ask for what we rilly need…


at thee end of the day, there are some thyngs you juss can’t help but talk about.

some thyngs, we just don’t wanna hear. & some thyngs we say bcuz we can’t be silent any longer. some thyngs are more than what you say. They’re what you do! some thyngs you say bcuz there’s no other choice. some thyngs, you keep to yurself.

&... not too often... but every now&then…

some thyngs simply speak for themselves"



[.]

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

my 1st love

yur there for me. thru all of my ups & downs
& what ii feel you alwayz seem to kno
you fynd thee words. when ii need comfortin
& dry my eyes. that's why ii love you soooo
more than a friend yur mah first love
ii can alwayz depend on mah first love

ii feel lyke ii have known you all mah life
ii can't explain how close we are
when sumthin's wrong you kno how to make it right
that's why you stay close to mah heart
more than a friend yur mah first love
ii can alwayz depend on mah first love

thee first thought in mah mynd
thee chill up my spine
thee melody in mah heart
you are... mah very first love
yur thee sweet lullaby
mah first kiss good nite
thee beat in my heart
music...... mah very first love

more than a friend yur mah first love
ii can alwayz depend on mah first love

w.you in mah lyfe iim not lonely at all
& if there were tears you'd catch them all
cuz you kno mah pain
& you kno mah joy
there's no secrets between us...
only pretty piano chords

thee first thought in mah mynd
thee chill up my spine
thee melody in mah heart
you are... mah very first love
yur thee sweet lullaby
mah first kiss good nite
thee beat in my heart
music...... mah very first love

ii sing bcuz iim happy
thee music sets me free
yur thee sweet lullaby
mah first kiss good nite
thee beat in my heart

MUSIC...... MY VERY 1ST LOVE!

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

ii cherish memories

ii take pictures.

ii luv to take pictures.

ii lyke to remember things.

document those moments.

those days when everything is great.

thee times worth remembering.

those few moments in which ii smile lyke never before...

ii take pictures...

bcuz not everday is a day lyke today.

not everyday will be this hard.

some days pple care.

some days there are no tears...

so ii take pictures...

to remynd myself that these days just can't be constant

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

what a difference a day makes

"you never know thee biggest day of yur lyfe is going to be thee biggest. the days you thynk r going to be big; they're never as big as you make them out to be in yur head. its the regular days... the ones that started out horrible... those r the days that end up being the biggest

you never know thee biggest day of yur lyfe is thee biggest day. not until it's happening. you don't recognize thee biggest day of yur lyfe. not until you're right in the middle of it. the day you commit to something or someone. the day you get your heart broken. the day you meet your soulmate. the day you realize there's not enough tyme bcuz you wanna live forever. those are thee biggest days... thee perfect days..."

grey's anatomy is mah favorite show on tv! & with that said, ii will probably provide quotes from it on a regular lol

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

dub deuce!

welp yesterday [09.08.09] ii turned 22 yrs young :-]

& although, ii initially looked forward to this day, ii began to dread it, and cancelled all my plans to celebrate it as life's issues kept bothering me. however, on the day, all the excitement returned as ii received so much love from all of my friends and fam...iim truly blessed with wonderful pple in my lyfe

it was a rilly chill day & nite, but it was just what ii needed... woke up to my babe. spent the daytyme collecting gifts & helping ma mere. dinner with my big sis & bro-n-law. my gyrls surprised me with balloons, patron :-D, and cupcakes. then babe took me out for drynks & ii fell asleep in [his] arms. so yep all around great day with those ii [heart] thee most. THANX LOVES!!

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

ii remember amazing?

ii remember amazing. . .

ii remember when lyfe was lyke a dream

& everyday wud bring sweet memories.

ii remember when morning came

& birds wud chirp. thee sun wud shine

all a welcome to thee new day.

ii remember when frustration was nonexistent

& optimism was parallel to lyfe.

ii remember when night fell

& thee attempts to avoid slumber

with an angst to never miss out on anything.

& thee urgency for slumber

with thee thoughts of what thee next day wud bring.

ii remember amazing.

ii remember a tyme when worries were far & n between

a tyme when no one could remove thee light

thee light the day brought

thee light within

thee light the future held

ii remember amazing.

yet it is now only a memory. . .

lyfe has become barren.

mornings have lost their appeal;

they are now approached with dread.

thee day is dull:

no excitement. no pleasure. no affluence.

the nite cold;

rather than longing to stay awake,

the desire for relief prevails, yet remains unfulfilled

as painful thoughts intensify the mind's activity

allowing no room for relaxation.

yes, ii remember amazing

however, now those memories are just that:

a memory. only to retain. but never again to revive.

ii remember amazing, yet anguish has now become its debris[.]

chercher mon âme ...
_kii_

ahhhhhh

ii haven't blogged in s0o0o0o long. ii def need to. so yeh prolly 2morrow. cuz 2nite ii have to study for a midterm, finish this lab report & pre-lab report, & read up on sum chem. all b4 8 n thee am. so catch ya lataz :-D

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

no one else

Swift as a wind song
You sang the music of an honest bird
I waited for some contradiction
But truth was ringing in your every word

And every moment since then
The one thing I can tell
Is that I belong with you
And no one else

Lay down those heavy burdens
On the banks of this river deep
Know that every piece of your past
Is always some place safe with me

And there's no room for judgment
I want you as yourself
Cuz' I belong with you
And no one else

We have both been broken
Bent into painful shapes
We almost let those old fears
Carry over and get in our way
Every struggle just makes our love get stronger
Than it was yesterday

So here we are now
Ain't it lucky we survived it all
Searching for self in separate rivers
Ending up in the same waterfall

And when we're gray and wiser
The story I will tell
Is that I belonged with you
And no one else

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

remembering innocence...

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

tyme to fynd sum childhood again

welp ii missed the sunset 2nite. . .

mayne growing up sukks! pple r so serious. lyfe is so consuming. ii juss wanna play sum bball. hit a few homers. ride a darn bike! race around n go-karts. play an innocent lil game of hide&go get it. . . SUMTHIN!! ii miss having tyme to juss pikk sum lemons off a tree. & set up a sikk azz lemonade stand n front of thee house. 25cent was all a ni99a needed. hehe

thee good ole dayz!

thee world. . . yeh. . . this used to be mah playground

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

::fav movie moments::

ii love this movie soooo much! & this part rilly is a great scene. thee song especially!! had to listen to this b4 skool 2day for sum reason. . .

"RENT" - i'll cover you [reprise]

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

"most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"

_Abraham Lincoln_

takin a break[!]

ii always say that iim going to take a break. but this time ii really have to. ii haven't spoken to any of my friends or "friends" since Saturday night. . . wellz except Sunday ii did go over to Nneks' house for her birthday kiccbacc. cuz ii just can't be an azz & not go to that. & ii had to give her her gift. she's a great friend!

anywho. . . ii just gotta have time for myself. thee whole incident [[see blog entry b4 last]] just has made meeh skeptical of a lot of thyngs. that includes pple too. so iim just distancing myself for now. don't need anymore outside forces bothering meeh or serving as a distraction or causing meeh to question anything. ii can only fukk wit family & [him] for right now. cuz those are thee only relationships that aren't putting any stress on meeh. ii rilly appreciate having them in my lyfe. & ii thynk this tyme should just be used to focus on strengthening those relationships and focusing on skool & just doing for me for once. ii try to do for others way too much. & iive always felt lyke that wud give meeh good karma & would be for thee good. however, ii swear ii have thee worst luck ever & random stupid shyt just continually happens. so iive decided that for a while iim gonna be selfish. worry bout meeh. & deal with those who truly worry about meeh too. anythyng else is too damaging for me right now. & ii refuse to go thru any of thee depression help shyt. no meds. no doctors. they all added to the damages. iim focused on certain thyngs right now. & that's just gonna have to remain until ii have found my mind/soul/heart again. . .

chercher mon âme...
_kii_

the real

"so what's thee difference between rap & hip-hop?!?

it's simple. . .
it's lyke thee difference between
saying you love somebody
& being in love with somebody

it's just a word!"

_brown sugar_

in spite of what iim goin thru

chercher mon âme...
_kii_

iive officially lost my mind [smh]

& ii def need to fynd it ASAP!!

it was saturday nite/sunday morn [ya kno basically n thee am of thee nite]. & ii was driving. got on thee fwy & just couldn't stop driving. on thee 110. then it ended. & iim just still going. it was like ii was possessed or something. ii cudn't c. ii just really remembered being in DA one moment then thee next ii was sitting in front of the ocean by thee cabrillo aquarium. . . smh my azz was gonna drive into the dayum ocean. ii was just so thru. so tired. so ready to go. right as ii began to drive forward my trance was finally interrupted by my phone ringing oh so loud. . . ii look down at it & it says "Dante"; ii answered the phone & all ii cud do was begin to cry. & ii told him to call my house & tell sum1 to come get me from cabrillo aquarium lyke now. we hung up & ii just needed to talk to my big brother. ii was trippin out. just needed to hear Keith. so ii called home, but ma mere answered so ii hung up. ii went back into a trance but it was a cold numbness that overcame my body. ii cud feel tears coming down my face, but ii couldn't blink. ii couldn't move. ii just was curled up in my driver's seat looking into the sky out of my window. next thyng ii knew ii was in my mom's passenger seat in thee driveway of the house. ii guezz she came & got me. then my brother-n-law and sis followed her back to the house with him driving my car. smh ii don't even understand. ii just wanted to go. just wanted it all to be over. it was so weird. all the memories are just in sections like none of them go together. but ii finally realized as my sister was talking to meeh as ii layed on my bed what set me off initially. . . ii had gone up to ucla for nneks' cultural show. & ii just remember my stomach starting to hurt like cramps [tho it wasn't any type of cramp apparently]. & ii told nneks ii had to leave cuz it was hurting so bad. ii got into my car & was leaving & as ii drove through campus ii just cried. cried so hard. shyt just didn't go the way ii planned or ever expected it to. then ii stopped thynking about all of that once ii got to ola's party in DA but afterwards, everything just hit me all at once. & ii couldn't control my feelings or my mind. iive lost my mind. it's def official.

tho everything is still fukked up & just going wrong. ii gotta find this crap. ii just have to. gotta get myself together mayne. this is ridiculous. but ii can't even sit here and say iim thankful to be here cuz that would be a lie. but that's just it. . . what kind of thought is that?!? smh gotta do something. just have to.

chercher mon âme...
_kii_

on mutability

"we rest; a dream has power to poison sleep.

we rise; one wand'ring thought pollutes the day.
we feel, conceive, or reason; laugh, or weep,
embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away;
it is the same: for, be it joy or sorrow,
the path of its departure still is free.
man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
naught may endure but mutability!"

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_

yep

"ii am more than what you bargained for. . .
nuthin less than real!!"

_drizzy_

don't knocc it till you've tried it!

welp iim officially an effin twitter-head now lmao. ii was so against it in thee beginning. but only cuz ii didn't see its purpose & was lyke ummmz BORING/WTF FOR!! however, now ii actually enjoy it & its alwayz anutha good way for meeh to avoid actually doing anythyng ii rilly need to or am supposed to be doing hehe. now if we wuda had this in hs--smh thaa wuda been a hot azz mess. anywho

follow meeh :-]

danger. . . she smashed thee homies!!

tom green is effin hilarious!! mah fav episode thus far

on this day. every year. mah heart weeps.

ii remember it lyke it was yesterday. . .

ii was havin so much fun @ ucla admit day & asp weekend wit danni & niki. then it was tyme to finally go home. got there & no1 was there. it was kynda weird cuz there was alwayz a million pple @ thee house. ii was unpakkin when my phone rang. it was ma mere. she was crying so hard. then she told meeh: "yur brothers were in a car accident & marty didn't make it." ii was just numb. sayd "okay well ill talk to you when you get bacc home." ii juss started walkin around thee house. lyke pacing. then ended up in thee bathroom. & juss collapsed. ii cudn't move.cudn't stop cryin.hysterically. mah big brotha keithie came in thee house & found meeh. was lyke "what's wrong? are you okay?" ii just looked at him. he was lyke "they told you. why wud they tell you over the phone when no1 was here?" & he juss held meeh. . .

ii feel bad cuz its gettin to thee point where ii can't alwayz picture him in my mynd. ii can't make out his voice.

smh its been 4 years. four! it shudn't hurt thee same but it does. it hurts so bad.

gosh ii wish it all had juss been a bad dream !!

[R]est[I]n[P]eace

to mah

big brotha Marty!!

.april fools day.

ii didn't pull any of my usual pranks or anything [ii remember last yr ii told my ex-boyfriend that ii was pregnant. . . iim sure it wasn't funny to him but dayum it sure was hilarious to meeh hehe]. april fools day was fun tho cuz we did decide to go out for sum drynks & had a mini kiccbacc afta powderpuff football @ thee skool. . . oh & then once we FINALLY found a close happy hour spot that was still open, they were doin KARAOKE! so we were super geeked. & took over thee spot. . .

thee performances by mah fam. . .

halle berry. . . ii frikkin luv it lol

oh yeh did ii tell you all

2day's dilemma

today's the 1st day of spring quarter. . .

1st day of classes means now thee tyme to buy new books. sell thee old books. pay mah rent. throw away old insignificant notes & notebooks. file all thee luvly A papers & A quizzes/tests/midterms in thee portfolio iive been keeping since thee 5th grade [ii dunno why. juss have done it ever since]. & organize mah lyfe. . . ii cannot go into thee new quarter w.out organizing my desk & mah folders [its thee darn OCD smh]. so as ii proceed to place my schedule into the bacc cover of mah general binder ii alwayz color in mah classes 1st [thee free printing is def not in color lol] & ii realized DARN II HAVE 5 CLASSES [7 if you count thee discussions&workshops] & ONLY 4 HIGHLIGHTERS!! this was mah dilemma for thee day hehe. but afta much thynkin, sum frustration, no lukk in fynding a green highlighter in office max, and finally deciding to juss leave one class clear, it came to meeh. AHA!! yellow + blue = green!

with that sayd iid lyke to thank my 2nd/3rd grade elem skool teacher Mrs. Ichino for making sure ii understood this concept. w.out such great younger yr training ii wud not have made it thru mah day 2day :-]

. . .thee finished product. . .

so why didnt any1 tell meeh?!?

that Drake was frikkin Aubrey Graham frum degrassi!!

its jimmy!!!

hahaha ii was super shokked to fynd this out 2day especially while ii was bumpin "so far gone" in Envy [oh yeh thaas mah car's name]. anywho yeh ii def didn't kno thaa tho. . . had to hit up mah homeboi devea & double chekk thee info cuz he's always up on his hip hop game & usually updates meeh on myne. but he's talkin bout "ii cuda sworn ii told you" iim lyke "no fool! you juss told meeh to listen to thee mixtape." geeeeeesh! its prolly bess thaa ii didn't kno b4hand tho cuz ii wuda went into thee music with a preconceived notion about him as bein sumwhaa corny. but now ii can actually appreciate thee songs [which ii def have grown to lyke] & be lyke "wowzers thaas jimmy's azz. get em!!" hehe. now ii juss need to see him perform live so ii can rilly link it all 2getha

my mood. . .

sukks azz 2day!!

ugh

je veux. . .

eva stopped & thought about whaa yooh rilly want in lyfe? lyke yur ultimate wants/goals/achievements. . . ii was having a convo wit one of mah bois earlier about it cuz one of his professors asked him to name 6 thyngs & he cud only thynk of 4. so it got meeh to thynkin. & ii mean ii want a lot in lyfe. most of thee tyme ii try not to want thyngs bcuz with that comes disappointment & thee less you want thee more room there is to be pleased with thee actual outcomes. ii juss dont feel thee same way with my wants in mah lyfe. iim rilly pikky bout thaa. & ii feel lyke thee more ii want in lyfe thee harder ii will try to obtain these thyngs & make mah dreams come true.

basically. ii want. . .

to graduate college. attend a top med skool. become a neurosurgeon. make a science discovery. start mah own ngo in thee health related field & become international. ii want to love whaa ii do. save lives. make sum kynd of change. publish a medical journal. be a role model. . . start a family. fynd a lyfetyme partner. meet sum1 who will be with meeh thru it all & take meeh with him thru his all as well. have healthy children. ii want to provide. love. lead. & most of all support. . . travel. see thee world. interact with different pple. . . learn. everythyng & anythyng ii can. know diff languages. ii want to read. watch. listen. & grow. . . own a house. with a window seat, a tree swing, & a wrap around porch. . . ii want to be happy. wake up ery morning & look forward to thee day to come. ii want to work hard to get to a point where ii can play hard. ii want to have 72 hr days & 48 hr nites. ii want to struggle & question myself. juss to make it. in order to appreciate erythyng ii will accomplish. every trial ii will overcome. ii want to retire & travel thee world with my husband for an umpteenth tyme. . . ii want to love. be loved. fail. achieve. expand. . . all while remaining true to myself & my Lord

finals week. & saying farewell to winter quarter

so ii have been MIA from my blog because last week was finals week. & of courseii had PLENTY to do. papers. studyin. quizzes. 24 hr library. lab reports. midterms [why r we having midterms right b4 thee final? ii dunno]. study sessions. office hrs. & finals. . .

lol so all week ii was in the library with my girls frum skool. oh & mah bacc was killin meeh lyke thee entire tyme. it was so ridiculous. right when ii was tryna write my global studies final paper ii started havin bacc spasms. sad tymez smh. so we were in thee library lyke all nite & all morning. & made a video for the whole beginning of thee week hehe. day 1 [pt 1 & pt 2]. day 2. & day 3. . . once day 3 hit we were s0o0o0o0o exhausted hehe. coffee & naps were our bess friends! anywho welp now iim finally free. & mah final grades for winter quarter were two As, a B,& a B+. . . iim actually rilly pissed bout these Bs but thaa juss means ii need do slakk off less next quarter :-P. thaa is all for now ii guezz. . .

ummmz swag any1?

ii fynd mah self bored in thee midst of studying for mah chemistry final thaas on thee upcoming wednesday. so ii take whaa ii lyke to call a "technology break": checc a few emails. do thee facebook thyng [tried to have an open mynd. but now hate thee new look]. answer sum aims. read sum away msgs. . . & a thought comes to mynd

ii dunno why but it juss seems lyke ery1 is tryin too hard nowadays. ery1 wants to be different than ery1 else & they're tryna establish this "swag" to set them apart frum others. in mah opinion, every1's tryin so hard to be different thaa they're all endin up lookin thee dayum same. iive tried to define meeh. but ii tend to get stukk a lot. bcuz at thee bess tymez ii juss dunno who ii am or whaa ii truly want. & ii thynk thaas great! thee beauty of thee search. lyke ii get to discover mah self everyday. mah lykes.dislykes.whaa makes meeh happy.whaa makes meeh laugh.who can put a smile on mah face.mah persona.mah goals n lyfe.mah inspirations. it kynda excites meeh to kno thaa ii can change or ii can remain thee same.

this swag thyng kills meeh tho. every1 has this same demeanor. & every1's statuses or aways juss consist of a dayum lyric from lyke lil wayne or drake. ummmz isn't thaa their swag & not yurs then? & if ery1 is usin these same lyrics how are yooh settin yurself apart frum them? then all these pple r wearin thee same dayum off thee wall clothes [wit thee skinny jeans & flannel shyrts & crazy colors] ii mean geeeesh!! iim still no fan of a guy's jeans being smaller than myne. if yooh look uncomfortable iim pretty sure yooh r so y do yooh have it on? wont catch meeh in anythyng thaas not feelin good. & ii def condone thee pastel colors esp since iive alwayz worn them however ii still feel lyke yooh cud leave thee purple &mustard skinnys up to meeh. its okay guyz we dont have to match thaa much :-P but ii mean if yooh truly love this look & thaas how yooh feel thaa day then do yooh. ii juss cant cosign for thee 1s doin it juss cuz its in. TATS TOO!! erybody wants a dayum tat now. tats&kids thaas all ii hear about & see. "iim gettin tatted 2day" or "iim preggers AGAIN [wit mah 3rd child & iim only 21]" ii cud go on 4eva so iima juss stop & go finish watchin this darn grey's anatomy ii missed bcuz ii was watchin thee longest college bball game eva [dayum 5 overtymez hehe]

yooh opened up mah softer side. . .

as ii was listenin to mah ipod ii came across thee song ii luv'd lyke so much frum christina aguilera's bakk to basics cd. . . & it juss took meeh bacc mayne. ii thynk she's one of thee bess artists. luv her voice!!



ii used to thynk thaa happiness cud only be sumthin thaa happened to sumbody else. erybody believed. erybody but meeh. yeh yeh. & iive been hurt so many tymez b4 thaa mah hope was dyin. so sikk of tryin. erybody cud see. erybody but meeh. yeh yeh. but then yooh came into mah lyfe. yooh opened up mah softer side. & ii can see into yur eyes. & suddenly ii realize. . .

WOWZERS chris brown is def on thee shyt list!

I never even wanted to entertain the Chris Brown & Rihanna incident but, after reading [these documents]which supposedly are the official papers describing what actually occurred between the two of them, I am extremely disgusted! The entire situation is just so sad: on her part as a victim & on his part because he definitely just affected his career in a horrible way with this. RIDICULOUS! Here goes another black man for them to ridicule smh. If he really did ALL of this to her because she was upset about a text message, he needs some extreme help. . . just would have been better for him to have gotten that help before this incident causing a huge media frenzy.

lol ii juss realized ii was writing regularly. . . thaas happens when iim upset or in paper mode

facebook friends?!?

1st off ii thynk its only appropriate for meeh to state how absolutely addicted ii am to facebook. ii don't see it as a bad thyng. ii thynk its good thaa ii lyke to keep in touch with mah friends. thank yooh to facebook for allowing meeh to do so! esp since ii HATE talkin on thee phone. so w.out facebook & aim, ii wud prolly neva talk to any1 ii didnt see eryday or sumthin hehe.

anywho. . . ii feel lyke . . . when yooh request meeh as a friend on facebook & of course ii add yooh bcuz [1] "THAAS MAH DAWG" [2] "hey ii kno yooh! sup (insert name here) :-]" or [3] "yeh ii thynk we've met b4", yooh shud immediately send meeh a comment or sumthin. this does not particularly apply to 1&2 cuz ii prolly talk to yooh a lot regardless or see yooh often. BUT #3 yeh yooh need to send meeh a hi or whaas up. SUMTHIN! thaas juss rude. after ii have been polite enuf to add yooh tho ii don't actually kno yooh too well but kno yooh enuf to be yur fbook friend, yooh cant even say hello. now ii juss have this semi-random person on mah friends list who continuously pops up on mah news feed. ummmmmz yeh not kool! ii mean afta ii realize mah friend request to sum1 has been accepted, ii go say sumthin to em. lyke a hi. or havent seen yooh n a long tyme. geeeesh can ii get a smiley @ least :-P

ii dunno. ii may have to juss start deletin pple afta a lil bit if there's no communication. ii dont want yooh juss lookin at mah pics & facebook stalkin meeh. kynda creepy