gotta juss keep it to myself

ii don't keep thyngs to myself. ii don't keep anythyng bottled in. I'm a depressant so when ii do those thyngs it affects me more than the average person. so ii express myself. ii will tell you exactly how iim feeling in that moment & ii will tell it to thee person it pertains to.

but this...

this ii can't disclose as ii wud lyke to. ii mean ii can say it here cuz who reads my blog anyway? no one lol. but to the pple ii wud normally talk to about thyngs or even juss in a fbook status, ii cannot express myself completely.

my problem is that ii rilly hate it in Riverside! lyke with a passion. today being a prime example of why. & there's nothing ii can do about it. pple here seem so insincere; thee blacc community is not welcoming at all & appear very judgmental; there's nuthin to do; & ii dunno iim juss hella lonely.
ii knew a lot of pple already b4 ii came out here for skool so ii will function with them every now&then but ii mean ii don't really welcome thee introduction of new pple bcuz they're just too extra'd for me & ii don't welcome drama. then those of whom ii became close to out here & were friends with kynda showed me their true colors recently & ii have just been really distant with them. ii juss can't deal with fake. ii need real; ii need truth; ii need sincerity. & ii don't wanna settle for thee lakk of! so ii juss keep to myself. ii luv my roomie! she's thee bess & very sincere about hers so ii fux with her & her friends mostly. but still it isn't lyke those are my pple lyke that; really juss only she is. ii haven't seen much of some of my best friends either & that's hella sus to me! ii rilly lyke my new job tho:: those pple are extremely kool & nice & maybe if ii juss surround myself with them & those types then ii can get over this.

ii juss miss my boiz! it's so crazy cuz with them ii alwayz feel so safe & content. they don't judge and are always so real with me. they're loyal & ii luv it! they understand that ii get busy sumtymez & can't talk, but they don't get upset, don't trip out on me. they alwayz juss support me... my gyrl nneks too! she understands these thyngs too. & ii rilly miss her cuz she's NEVER fake; always just her & ii luv her for it!

mayne ii juss hate it out here. & it kynda sends me bacc to that place ii don't wanna be; that place iim not sposed to return to. but ii can't talk about it...cuz for one who is there to even talk to? every day ii found out that sum1 ii once thought ii knew is sum1 else. or that they juss aren't as close to me as they once were... & ii can't say anythyng bcuz ii know how bad it wud make my sis & my mom feel to know that ii wasn't actually happy here. they alwayz ask me & ii juss lie cuz they're both so worried about me & ii don't wanna put that on them.

so ii juss gotta keep it to myself :-/

beaucoup d'amour...
_kii_