iive officially lost my mind [smh]

& ii def need to fynd it ASAP!!

it was saturday nite/sunday morn [ya kno basically n thee am of thee nite]. & ii was driving. got on thee fwy & just couldn't stop driving. on thee 110. then it ended. & iim just still going. it was like ii was possessed or something. ii cudn't c. ii just really remembered being in DA one moment then thee next ii was sitting in front of the ocean by thee cabrillo aquarium. . . smh my azz was gonna drive into the dayum ocean. ii was just so thru. so tired. so ready to go. right as ii began to drive forward my trance was finally interrupted by my phone ringing oh so loud. . . ii look down at it & it says "Dante"; ii answered the phone & all ii cud do was begin to cry. & ii told him to call my house & tell sum1 to come get me from cabrillo aquarium lyke now. we hung up & ii just needed to talk to my big brother. ii was trippin out. just needed to hear Keith. so ii called home, but ma mere answered so ii hung up. ii went back into a trance but it was a cold numbness that overcame my body. ii cud feel tears coming down my face, but ii couldn't blink. ii couldn't move. ii just was curled up in my driver's seat looking into the sky out of my window. next thyng ii knew ii was in my mom's passenger seat in thee driveway of the house. ii guezz she came & got me. then my brother-n-law and sis followed her back to the house with him driving my car. smh ii don't even understand. ii just wanted to go. just wanted it all to be over. it was so weird. all the memories are just in sections like none of them go together. but ii finally realized as my sister was talking to meeh as ii layed on my bed what set me off initially. . . ii had gone up to ucla for nneks' cultural show. & ii just remember my stomach starting to hurt like cramps [tho it wasn't any type of cramp apparently]. & ii told nneks ii had to leave cuz it was hurting so bad. ii got into my car & was leaving & as ii drove through campus ii just cried. cried so hard. shyt just didn't go the way ii planned or ever expected it to. then ii stopped thynking about all of that once ii got to ola's party in DA but afterwards, everything just hit me all at once. & ii couldn't control my feelings or my mind. iive lost my mind. it's def official.

tho everything is still fukked up & just going wrong. ii gotta find this crap. ii just have to. gotta get myself together mayne. this is ridiculous. but ii can't even sit here and say iim thankful to be here cuz that would be a lie. but that's just it. . . what kind of thought is that?!? smh gotta do something. just have to.

chercher mon âme...
_kii_