lyfe. . .

most days ii feel lyke iim just not cut out for this thyng called lyfe... today is one of those days. tonight is one of those nites. 

yet then ii let a lil music into my heart and my soul seems to get a piece of peace. . .

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NEDAwareness Week

This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week so I figured that I would mention it so you all could be aware... I feel like it's something everyone should be aware of.  And it hits home with me because I've been there and done that on both ends of the eating disorder spectrum [which I don't think I've ever actually voiced outside my mind until right now].  This is why dieting was never an option to me because I felt like it would turn into an eating disorder all over again.  So this whole diet inspired by Lent is definitely a challenge each day, but I'm working through it :-)

Anywho if you want to learn more about the disorders or about the awareness week you can go to the NEDA website and read up about it.  I encourage everyone to do so.

welp back to studying pour moi... have a great day!

beaucoup d'amour...

get up get out & do sumthin!

I feel as if I have found myself again this year. . .

I have always been one to be extremely involved.  I hate to sit back and complain; I would rather do something to fix anything worth complaining about.  However, in 2005, I lost myself... and have been lost ever since.  I became a person who allowed life to rule me.  Although I have always taken things a bit harder than a "normal" person would, I never allowed it to actually get to me like I have been within these last four-five years.  I refuse to do that any longer.

I have yet to actually find myself completely, but I am finding myself.  And just the fact that I have made a conscious effort to seek this is a huge step towards forward progress.  I am excited for what is to come even though I know the road will be a long, hard journey.

Day 3... 

God my savior,
bring me back to you
and fill my mind with your wisdom.
May I be enriched by my observance of Lent.
Grant this through my Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever.

beaucoup d'amour...

Day 2...

started this morning with a nice run at 5 am & just got back... feeling rejuvenated. there's something about watching thee sun rise as you feel thee wind against your being that just makes thee day seem more bearable

Lord, 

may everything I do 

begin with yur inspiration, 

continue with yur help, 

& reach perfection under yur guidance. 

I ask this thru my Lord Jesus Christ, yur Son, 

who lives & reigns with you & the Holy Spirit, 

one God, for ever&ever.

beaucoup d'amour...

simple beauty

beaucoup d'amour...

and then there was Lent...

Ash Wednesday is here! &welp my father is Catholic and I grew up in that church a teeny bit lol... but I always do Lent. ii thynk it is one of thee best traditions! makes you feel so accomplished and humbles you.  gives a good sense of discipline and self-restraint.  

anywho, this tyme around ii have decided to give up twitter for those 40 days. ii thynk that's really about it. then for thee rest of my commitments ii have decided to establish new habits:: ii am starting this Fat Smash Diet. this is my 1st tyme dieting EVER! for one bcuz ii used to be so small that if ii dieted to lose weight iid look sick lol. then secondly ii don't believe in diets cuz if ii exercise thee way ii want ii lose weight easily.  BUT ii get addicted to shyt way too easily so iim tryna do thee whole diet and workout thyng.  or else iid be letting thee addictive side of me take control which I'm not sposed to be doing *insert eye roll here* lol

so yeh thee diet thyng is being set into place...we'll see how that works out. & ii am doing other thyngs to better my body. you all will prolly just end up seeing those when they're accomplished instead of me just talking about it.  and I've decided to let some thyngs and certain pple go... as well as focusing on my studies more&more.  I've decided to LET GO AND LET GOD! ii won't be afraid of thee future or trying to establish a future with someone.  A few small changes...

Tryna make an even change with my man upstairs this year... cuz ii know ii sure do have a lot of praying to do :-]

Let us pray
 for the grace to keep Lent faithfully.

Lord,  

protect us in the struggle against evil. 

As we begin the discipline of Lent,  

make this season holy by our self-denial. 

Grant this through our Lord, Jesus Christ, your Son, 

who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, 

one God, for ever and ever.

beaucoup d'amour...

joyeuse saint valentin!

contrary to popular opinion, my favorite holiday is valentine's day! ii love LOVE! ii love the colors associated with v-vday, the flowers, the hearts... my favorite shape is a heart so ii mean it's only fitting right? Valentine's Day is just so great... why wouldn't you wanna acknowledge your loved ones? ii lyke to thynk of v-day as a day set aside to celebrate thee connections you have with thee pple you love. those of any aspect of love

welp of course ii would end up talking to a guy who "doesn't believe in v-day and all its hype" *insert eye roll here* just my luck.  so last year was kind of yehhhh ok let's go see friday thee 13th... blah blah blah hehe  & this year ii wasn't even expecting anything. which is kind of disappointing because ii love thee holiday so much. but then ii got a great surprise for thee weekend:: ii was able to celebrate with him all weekend long & he put some thought into our trip.  he knew that ii had never really been to Disneyland [except for grad nite...which didn't really count cuz it was all parties]. so where did we end up?!? THEE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH :-D

he got me a tigger [my fav character ever]...

ii luv'd it!

beaucoup d'amour...

learning to be lonely

8:30 n thee am. at UCR. in thee University Lecture Hall 1500. waiting on my 9:10 n thee am bio class to start. figured I'd type. normally I would be on twitter or facebook or BBM'n someone right now. but all that juss seems so uninteresting to me.  I have nuthin to really say in 140 characters. can't put too much on thee fb status cuz then ery1 reads it & ends up having a prob with sumthin ii say. &there's no one to even talk to on BBM. cuz ii mean who even BBM's me anymore? sonny&dulce&jaynaenay... that's prolly about it lol. & no one ever actually reads this so hey here ii am :-P

intrigued? keep reading -->

yay for vday!

ii cannot wait to go see this movie this weekend...

beaucoup d'amour...

a piece of me...

as ii sit here watching the new episode of Grey's Anatomy, ii remember to post this draft of a blog entry ii wrote last week. . . 

during grey's there was a scene where ii totally felt lyke ii was seeing myself talking.





& it was crazy because there def was a moment earlier this year when ii found myself saying THIS EXACT SAME THYNG.

 

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...

so it's been kind of a while... & ii always have so much to say. yet everytime ii think to go on here & write, ii end up saying "well self you could really be using this time to study." lol then ii go study instead.  but now ii figured whatevs doesn't hurt to write for a lil...

anywho welp since I've been silent thee greatest thyng ever happened

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in case ii never told you...

I've lived a life of lessons. not regrets... & I'm thankful for everyone I've met. I try to do everything alone because that's how it's been for thee most part, but for those of you who stand by me, hold me up, carry me, or guide me... I just want to say THANK YOU! You are appreciated & I hope one day I can be to someone else what you have been to me!

humblement votre exemplaire...