![.[heart] kii for kii.](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zwfQYfp7y7U/S6eljryDmyI/AAAAAAAAAFM/LORdboxu7vM/S1600-R/blog+header+copy.jpg)
as ii sit here watching the new episode of Grey's Anatomy, ii remember to post this draft of a blog entry ii wrote last week. . .
during grey's there was a scene where ii totally felt lyke ii was seeing myself talking.
& it was crazy because there def was a moment earlier this year when ii found myself saying THIS EXACT SAME THYNG.
I've had a lot of relationships, boyfriends, boos... whatever any1 wants to call it. I deal with guys lol. I love men. I love to be around em, kicc it with em, used to love to date em lol but I mean now I've been seeing someone. I don't wanna rush into thyngs. So ii let him be. & ii juss continue to do me, but, as tyme progresses, it's becoming more of an us. I don't know tho sometimes... bcuz I've been lost before and I refuse to be lost again.
My ex boyfriend was thee best! He never cheated. He never hit me or anything of the sort. He always was so nice.so funny.so great. He was hella smart. Successful. had his own place, a bmw, an infiniti, working on a career in pharmacy. I mean how could it get any better? But I wasn't myself with him. He didn't' curse so I couldn't curse. And if you know me, you know I curse a lot; and not to be inappropriate, but bcuz I lyke to challenge thee thought of someone putting restrictions on my language that I had no validation for. Then he would make me feel bad everytime I drank. All his friends drank, but if Kisa drank it was lyke thee most disgusting thyng ever. I would be submissive about things I would never have been submissive with before...but they were thee smallest things ever so it wasn't apparent. I really didn't even realize that I was never myself anymore when with him until we were already broken up for a while then we went out to dinner randomly to the Cheesecake Factory. Then I noticed how he didn't even know me. Different comments were just so crazy. and I was just lyke wow. But this was my dude tho. My dawg. My babii. My boyfriend. nahhhh I couldn't do it.
And I refuse to do it again. I can't do it again. Every day I go thru lyfe with a goal in my mind. I want to be great. I want to go into Neurosurgery. But then I get discouraged often. My sis & broNlaw always say that they hope once I get into medical school that I will change my mind because "you won't have a life. your work will be your life." Is that so bad?!? I want my work to be my lyfe. I get thru life easier that way. The whole putting my life on hold for someone who prolly will juss end up disappointing me is ridiculous. I've wanted to do one thyng since I was 7... SEVEN! ii can barely fynd a 7 yr old now that even knows what neuro means. So ii keep my distance. I'm involved but not too much. Letting go has to always be easy for me cuz I have plans. I lyke myself. I love who I am. I don't want to change and should never have to. I don't want to become anythyng else in life, and I won't. I refuse to let any1 [esp a man] take pieces of me. If I can share myself with another, then okay. But to frame myself around someone...nope! not Kisa!
& it was crazy because there def was a moment earlier this year when ii found myself saying THIS EXACT SAME THYNG.
I've had a lot of relationships, boyfriends, boos... whatever any1 wants to call it. I deal with guys lol. I love men. I love to be around em, kicc it with em, used to love to date em lol but I mean now I've been seeing someone. I don't wanna rush into thyngs. So ii let him be. & ii juss continue to do me, but, as tyme progresses, it's becoming more of an us. I don't know tho sometimes... bcuz I've been lost before and I refuse to be lost again.
My ex boyfriend was thee best! He never cheated. He never hit me or anything of the sort. He always was so nice.so funny.so great. He was hella smart. Successful. had his own place, a bmw, an infiniti, working on a career in pharmacy. I mean how could it get any better? But I wasn't myself with him. He didn't' curse so I couldn't curse. And if you know me, you know I curse a lot; and not to be inappropriate, but bcuz I lyke to challenge thee thought of someone putting restrictions on my language that I had no validation for. Then he would make me feel bad everytime I drank. All his friends drank, but if Kisa drank it was lyke thee most disgusting thyng ever. I would be submissive about things I would never have been submissive with before...but they were thee smallest things ever so it wasn't apparent. I really didn't even realize that I was never myself anymore when with him until we were already broken up for a while then we went out to dinner randomly to the Cheesecake Factory. Then I noticed how he didn't even know me. Different comments were just so crazy. and I was just lyke wow. But this was my dude tho. My dawg. My babii. My boyfriend. nahhhh I couldn't do it.
And I refuse to do it again. I can't do it again. Every day I go thru lyfe with a goal in my mind. I want to be great. I want to go into Neurosurgery. But then I get discouraged often. My sis & broNlaw always say that they hope once I get into medical school that I will change my mind because "you won't have a life. your work will be your life." Is that so bad?!? I want my work to be my lyfe. I get thru life easier that way. The whole putting my life on hold for someone who prolly will juss end up disappointing me is ridiculous. I've wanted to do one thyng since I was 7... SEVEN! ii can barely fynd a 7 yr old now that even knows what neuro means. So ii keep my distance. I'm involved but not too much. Letting go has to always be easy for me cuz I have plans. I lyke myself. I love who I am. I don't want to change and should never have to. I don't want to become anythyng else in life, and I won't. I refuse to let any1 [esp a man] take pieces of me. If I can share myself with another, then okay. But to frame myself around someone...nope! not Kisa!
beaucoup d'amour...
1 comment:
I knew there had to be a reason you tweeted about it
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